


Practice Makes Perfect

by highpoweredmutant



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Can't get enough Pedrazar kisses, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Some Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-04-24 19:29:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4932457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highpoweredmutant/pseuds/highpoweredmutant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter needs help practicing his kissing scenes for Faustus, and Balth is more than happy to oblige…<br/>----------<br/>“Why don’t you practice with someone you don’t usually kiss?” Balth asked nervously.</p><p>Because I just want to kiss you – Peter buried the hard truth as quickly as it had surfaced. His obsession with Balthazar needed to stop. He had resolved that they would be just friends, and that was that. His heart would just have to catch up with his brain. But the deafening pounding of his heart told a different story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Picturesque Predicaments

“If thou lovest me, think no more of it,” Costa read the line with an exaggerated flourish of his wrist. 

Peter stood in the center of a small rehearsal studio surrounded by his fellow actors, trying to focus on the sound of Costa’s voice and the order of his upcoming lines. But it was no use; he had been distracted and melancholy all day. Although it was Costa who stood across from him now, all Peter could picture was Balthazar in their flat the day before.

Running lines with Balthazar had been a huge mistake. Standing tantalizingly close to Balthazar while running lines for a play with unmistakable homoerotic subtext had been Peter’s own version of purgatory. Their unrealized intimacy had been tangible.

 _If thou lovest me_...Peter would never forget the look of assuaged heartbreak in Balthy’s seashell eyes. Balth hadn’t been resentful but resigned – as if the very thought of Peter loving him were an impossibility.

 _Did he love Balthazar?_ Overwhelmed by internal conflict, Peter had to remind himself to breathe.

He couldn’t love Balthazar; their friendship was too important. Peter couldn’t deny there was something between them, but it was too complicated. He needed something easy that didn’t come with years of emotional confusion and missed opportunities. University was the time to meet and date and hookup with new people – not to start a relationship with your best friend since primary school.   

But the deafening pounding of Peter’s heart told a different story. 

“Peter!” Costa exclaimed, animatedly. “Do you even care about this production? You’re not paying attention.”

“I’m sorry, Costa. I’m ready now.” Peter could feel his fellow actors’ critical gaze and flushed. 

 “Good. Let’s practice the kiss scene on page 230,” Costa instructed.

Excellent plan – Costa was brilliant, attractive, and a passionate actor. If it weren’t for the “No Shenanigans” rule, Peter may have even asked Costa on a date. This scene was exactly what Peter needed to take his mind off Balthazar. 

Costa’s voice rose to a crescendo as he delivered his lines. Peter prepared himself for what was to come as he stumbled through his own. On cue, he leaned in and kissed Costa with as much passion as he could muster and…

It was awkward from beginning to end. The kiss felt mechanically correct, but Peter was keenly aware of their missing emotional connection. It felt cumbersome and out of sync when Costa grabbed the side of Peter’s face to pull him deeper into the kiss. Peter knew he was overthinking it, but he couldn’t help himself – should he use more tongue? Tilt his head? What was he supposed to do with his hands? When should he pull away?

Costa finally broke the kiss and sighed, visibly troubled. “Peter, um – we’ll need to work on that. I want this production to feel raw and honest. For it to work, our chemistry needs to be undeniable. Is there anyone you can practice with?”

“Practice…kissing?” Peter was mortified. 

Ever the director, Costa went on, “well – yes. Practice kissing someone you don’t normally kiss. I think it would help.” 

“But, um, our flat has this rule against—”

“I thought kisses for the production don’t count in your flat’s rules?” Costa clarified. 

Peter groaned internally. The one time when he actually wanted the rules in place and they were useless. “You’re right, kisses for the play are exempt,” he reluctantly confirmed. 

“Excellent. Try to practice with someone else before our next rehearsal.” Costa turned to address the group. “Thanks for coming everyone, great job today!”

* * *

As Peter grabbed his bag and prepared to sprint for the door, Jaquie approached him. “Hey, Peter. Um, while you were rehearsing that last scene, one of your flatmates came in, so I told him to wait by the door…”

“Who?” Peter whipped his head around and saw—Balthazar. He was wearing one of Peter’s favourite oversized sweaters and his hair was expertly tousled. Not that Peter noticed. “Thanks, Jaquie.”

Peter walked quickly over to Balth. “Hey, Balthy. I thought you had work till 11?” 

“It was a slow night so I got off early. Thought I’d come pick you up,” Balthazar explained with an infectious smile as they exited the rehearsal studio and started their walk home.

“Thanks, mate. I just wish you hadn’t seen that last bit,” Peter confessed.

“Pete, it’s a work in progress. And I thought you were brilliant.” Balthazar didn’t have to say much to get Peter’s heart racing.

“It’s just frustrating, you know?” Peter explained, “sometimes I feel like a complete failure. I can’t remember my lines, I can’t speak in iambic pentameter, and on top of everything, apparently I’m a bad kisser!”

“That’s not what Costa said. He just said it needs work,” Balthazar countered.

“Yeah, because I’m shit at it.” Peter knew he was being pathetic, but couldn’t help it.

They walked on, surrounded by the type of comfortable silence that takes a decade of friendship to establish. Peter loved that Balthazar not only knew exactly what to say, but also when to say nothing at all.

As they started up the stairs to their flat, Peter broke the silence. “Sorry for being dramatic, Balth. I just feel like everyone is counting on me and I’m letting them down.”

“Why don’t you take his advice?” Balthazar asked a little too quickly. He avoided Peter’s eyes and pulled his sleeves over his hands as they stood face to face on the landing of the flat. Peter loved Balthazar’s sleeves-over-hands-pull – it was adorable – but he knew Balthazar reserved the move for when he was feeling nervous or vulnerable. What did Balthazar have to be nervous about?

“What do you mean, Balthy?”

“You know…why don’t you practice with someone you don’t usually kiss?”

Oh. Right. _Because I just want to kiss you –_ Peter buried the hard truth as quickly as it had surfaced. His obsession with Balthazar needed to stop. He had resolved that they would be just friends, and that was that. His heart would just have to catch up with his brain.

Instead, Peter started to explain, “because the whole concept of ‘practice kissing’ sounds ridiculous. I mean, who would want to—”

In one unexpected motion, Balthazar closed the space between them and pressed his lips to Peter’s. His lips moved lightly, softly, as if this one act could unleash unparalleled joy or devastation based his approach. Peter responded with abandon, overwhelmed by the warmth spreading to every square inch of his body. He grabbed Balthazar’s waist with one hand and the back of Balth’s neck with the other as he deepened the kiss. Balthazar moaned, and Peter lost all sense of control. Peter’s “Good Angel” was gone – all that mattered was the feel of Balthazar’s skin beneath his hands, his satisfied sounds, and the taste of his mouth. Mephistopheles could have appeared and Peter would have sold his soul for just one more minute of ecstasy.

Suddenly, Balthazar pulled away.

Balthazar flushed bright red and took a step back from Peter, keeping his eyes trained on the ground. “You seem good to me,” was all Balth said before he opened the door and walked into the flat, leaving Peter in stunned silence. 

So much for “just friends.”

* * *

Peter lay on his bed the next morning thinking about what an idiot he’d been. He had buried what mattered for so long – denied the significance of “An Ode,” “A New Beginning,” and “Running Mad,” even though he knew better. And now, impossibly, after nothing but song lyrics and sideways glances, Balthazar made the first move (albeit, to help Peter with his play). Peter was a man of action, and last night, Balthazar spoke his language. He took the fevered kiss as an unambiguous confession of Balthazar’s affection. Peter had never been more angry with himself. Because of his fear and self-doubt, a year of moments like the one last night had been wasted.

The events illuminated one essential truth for Peter: he was in love with Balthazar. Peter had loved him since before he understood what it meant to be in love. He loved him since before he could articulate his bisexuality. Before he had moved to Wellington and hooked up with anyone and everyone in a subconscious attempt to tune out his feelings for his best friend.

Enough. Enough waiting. Enough questioning. Enough missed opportunities. Peter jumped up from his bed and raced out the door.

He found Balthazar alone in the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee, barefoot, bleary-eyed, and irresistible. He crossed the kitchen in two strides, grabbed Balthazar’s face in his hands, and pressed their lips together hungrily. _Oh God…_

Balthazar responded in kind – he grabbed Peter’s waist while Peter closed the space between them, pinning Balthazar to the counter behind him, their bodies flush against each other. Peter proceeded to kiss Balth’s jaw line, neck, and collarbone, tasting every inch. Balthazar’s moans only made Peter want more.

Suddenly, there was a thunderous _CRASH_ as Balthazar dropped the empty coffee pot that was still in his hand, unbeknownst to both of them. Balthazar muttered “shit” as they surveyed the damage: the glass pot had shattered into what seemed like a million pieces directly around them. With bare feet, they were essentially trapped in their current positions, which were incriminating to say the least. They both burst out laughing, acknowledging the ridiculous situation they found themselves in.

Peter shot Balth a questioning smile. “Why didn’t you put that down?”

“You didn’t give me any time!” Balth laughed his response.

“Point taken,” Peter ran a hand through his hair. “How are we going to get out of this?”

“Is everything ok in—” Ben ran into the kitchen and stopped abruptly when he saw the shattered glass. “Whoa…are you alri—” A cheeky smile replaced Ben’s concern as he took in the sight of Peter and Balthazar, chest to chest against the counter, surrounded by broken glass and unable to move. “Well, well, well, what do we have here?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Just get the vacuum, Ben,” Peter instructed.

“I’m not so sure…I think I may need to document this evidence of likely shenanigans…” Ben reached for his camera on the kitchen table.

“Oh come on, Ben.” Peter rubbed the bridge of his nose in exasperation.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what this is all about.” Ben gestured to Peter and Balth’s current predicament.

“I was – uh – Pete needed help practicing for the play.” Balthazar explained.

“How is _this_ practicing?” Ben wore an expression of disbelief.

“My director wants me to practice kissing,” Peter replied sourly. “Just get the fucking vacuum, Ben.”

“Alright, alright. But you both have more explaining to do…” Ben left in search of the vacuum.

Peter turned back to Balth as they found themselves alone again. Balthazar shifted uncomfortably against Peter, the change in his mood abrupt and tangible. “Pete, I need to tell you something. Um, I actually—I’m dating Kit.”

Peter’s stomach dropped. “You’re what?” _He can’t be serious_ , thought Peter.

Balthazar looked everywhere but at Peter. “Yeah, um, Kit and I are in a relationship." 

“Since when?” Peter tried to mask the hurt in his voice.

Balthazar shot Peter a quick, guilt-ridden glance. “Yesterday, before work.”

He and Balth were still pressed against each other, but now, instead of being overjoyed at their contact, Peter felt nauseous.

“Pete…” The pleading look in Balth’s eyes somehow made Peter want to lean in and kiss him again. _Snap out of it._

“Why did you kiss me if you’re with Kit?” Peter wanted nothing more than to distance himself from Balth, but he was literally trapped. Their physical situation added a frustrating layer of sexual tension to the argument.

“I was trying to help you out. And you kissed _me_ this morning.” Balthazar reasoned.

“So your brilliant plan was to date Kit and make out with me? Best of both worlds?”

“I swear, Pete, before last night, I thought we would _never_ kiss.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Why _wouldn’t_ I think that? You’ve known how I feel – felt – for over a year and done nothing.”

As much as it hurt Peter to admit, Balthazar was right. He hadn’t done anything. He had completely ignored it – suppressing any feelings that surfaced in fear of what might or might not be.

“Wait,” Peter was fixated on Balth’s previous sentence, “ _felt?_ Are you saying you don’t have feelings for me anymore?”

Balthazar’s chest rose and fell against Peter’s as he let out a deep sigh. Peter was sure at any moment Balthazar would feel his beating heart, and his inner torment would be betrayed. He considered kissing Balthazar again as a way to communicate what he really wanted – for Balthazar to be with him instead of Kit – but he restrained himself. He could tell Balth was struggling and didn’t want to scare him away (not that either of them could actually move).

Balthazar looked into Peter’s eyes and spoke the words Peter knew he deserved after leading Balth on for so long. Words that broke his heart. “I can’t do this anymore, Pete. I need to be with someone who loves me back.”

“But Balth, I—”

“Brave Ben battles the broken glassware! Have no fear, mortals!” Ben announced his unbelievably bad timing as he returned to the kitchen and started vacuuming furiously.

Balth didn’t look up at Peter again, and the minute Ben cleared a path, Balth took off, abandoning his coffee and breakfast. Peter thought he saw Balth wipe his cheek as he walked away, but maybe Peter just imagined what he wanted to see.


	2. Passionate Proclamations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter wants more than just “practice kissing” with Balthazar – and he’s willing to risk it all.  
> \----------  
> What the hell was Peter going to say? “Hey, Balth. I know I strung you along for over a year and was the cause of serious emotional distress, but I love you. It only took me forever to realize it – and while I was figuring it out I a slept with a ton of other people – but I’m ready now. So why don’t you just break up with Kit and we can get back to making out. Sound good?” 
> 
> He was screwed.

It took all the willpower Peter had not to run after Balthazar. Instead, he undertook the almost futile task of explaining to Ben and Freddie – who emerged from her room at the sound of vacuuming – exactly what “practice kissing” involved. They of course thought he was lying and he ended up having to call Costa to verify his story.

“Ok, so what I still don’t get,” Freddie said after about half an hour, “is why you would choose _Balthazar_ to practice with. The sexual tension between you two is already off the charts, and now you’ve thrown ‘practice kissing’ into the mix?”

“It was his idea, actually,” Peter corrected.

“You’re kidding.” Freddie gave Peter a quizzical look.

“I’m serious – it happened last night on the landing outside the flat,” Peter said.

“I have a camera recording that!” Ben leaped up from the kitchen table to collect a small camera.

“Of course you do,” groaned Peter.

They watched the playback and the truth was undeniable. Reliving the moment made Peter’s stomach somersault and his heart take a cliff dive. He wanted to say that he wished it never happened – but that would be a lie. 

“Wow.” Ben’s eyes were as wide as a kid in a candy store. “This is spectacular.”

“And then this morning he kissed you again?” Freddie asked.

“Um…not quite.” Peter wasn’t sure how much he wanted to disclose. “I needed additional practice.”

“Bow-chica-wow-WOW.” Ben wiggled his eyebrows, obviously amused. Peter rubbed his temples. Freddie rolled her eyes.

“Peter, I know it’s for the sake of the play, but for the sake of this flat, I think you should find a new practicing partner,” Freddie requested.

“Don’t worry, Balth is done with me.” Peter tried to keep his voice even.

“You mean because he’s dating Kit now?” Ben asked.

“ _You_ knew they were dating?” Peter couldn't believe Ben found out before he did.

“Stan’s dating Kit?” Freddie posed the question a little too frantically, her eyes almost crazed. It was so obvious she had a thing for Kit. _Is that what people said about him and Balthazar?_

“Apparently,” Ben said.

“But no shenanigans, right?” Freddie was quick to clarify. The thought of Balth engaging in “shenanigans” with Kit made Peter’s whole body feel heavy. _Shit, shit, shit._

“God I hope not.” Peter spoke the words aloud before he realized how they would sound to Ben and Freddie. The two stared at him like he had just revealed the meaning of life.

“OMIGOD.” Ben shrieked like a schoolgirl. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

“I don’t have to answer that.” Peter got up from the table and started for his room.

“Peter, if you’re in love with him, you have to tell him!” Freddie was beside herself.

“You’re just saying that because you want to be with Kit,” Peter pointed out.

“But she’s right – have you told him? He deserves to know, Pedro.” Ben used the retired nickname not as a jab, but as a way to shock Peter into action. It worked.

“You two are exhausting, you know that? Can we all agree to suspend the ‘No Shenanigans’ rule for the time being?” Peter asked as he grabbed his coat.

“Absolutely!” Ben said.

“We’re rooting for you!” Freddie yelled after him as he shut the front door and ventured out to find the small musician who made him feel most alive.

He put his earbuds in and navigated to “An Ode” on his phone. He needed the encouragement now more than ever.

* * *

Balth had a gig tonight, so Peter knew exactly where he’d be. Balth’s ritual was to grab a coffee from Boyet’s and go over his set list. Peter arrived at Boyet’s, ordered a coffee, and sat in a quiet corner to wait for Balth. 

The longer he waited, the more flaws he saw in his supposedly “brilliant” plan. First, ambushing Balth before a gig was pretty insensitive. He knew Balth was playing a large venue tonight, so he’d be nervous and need to focus. If Peter threw him off, it could cost Balth future gigs. As Balth’s biggest fan, Peter would feel horrible if he jeopardized Balth’s music career in any way.

Second, what the hell was Peter going to say? _“Hey, Balth. I know I strung you along for over a year and was the cause of serious emotional distress, but I love you. It only took me forever to realize it – and while I was figuring it out I a slept with a ton of other people – but I’m ready now. So why don’t you just break up with Kit and we can get back to making out. Sound good?”_ He was screwed. If he were Balthazar, he would walk out on Peter for sure.

_That’s it. This is hopeless_. Peter downed the rest of his coffee and was about to get up and walk home, when Balthazar and Kit entered the coffee shop. Peter sat back down frantically and tried to look casual as he opened a newspaper to hide his face. _You are the worst_ , he thought to himself.

He peered over the paper cautiously to observe Balth and Kit. They had ordered their coffees and were sitting down at a table on the other side of the shop. _This is super stalker-y, just leave already!_  

But Peter was paralyzed in his seat. He couldn’t hear Balth and Kit’s conversation, but they were obviously having more than just a casual cup of coffee. Kit was talking animatedly, using hand gestures to emphasize his points. Balth seemed quiet, serious. He pulled his sleeves over his hands at multiple points. After about 20 minutes, Kit grew quiet, and Balthazar did more talking. Peter desperately wished he could hear what they were saying. He considered moving to a table closer to them, but didn’t want to risk being caught. Finally, Balth rose from his seat, leaned across the table, and gave Kit a Hollywood-worthy kiss. It was so enthralling, several of the customers around them looked over, basking in their glow.

Watching a kiss like that, Peter knew there was no way Balth should be with him instead of Kit. They were perfect. Kit had probably been upfront with Balth about his feelings from the beginning. He clearly worshipped Balth, he deserved Balth, and he would never put Balth through the agony Peter had put him through over the past year. Peter felt sick. 

To his surprise, Balth left the coffee shop without Kit. _Probably to set up for his show_ , Peter reasoned. Kit sat finishing his coffee alone. After about five minutes, Peter decided it was time to make his exit. If he could just walk through the shop quickly, Kit probably wouldn’t notice him. _Here goes nothing_ …

“Peter?”

_Shit_. He turned around and was face to face with Kit, the boy wonder. Lover of Balth, and mice, and cheese, and endeavors to goodness, and rescuing puppies (probably). “Kit – um, hi.”

“What are you doing here?” Kit asked.

“I – um – coffee?” Peter pointed awkwardly to the cup in Kit’s hand.

“Right, of course.” Kit replied kindly. Why did he have to be so _nice_? “Peter, look. I know this is none of my business, but I think you should go find Balth.”

“Oh – nah – I mean, he’s got a gig so he’s probably busy. I’m sure he would prefer to see you anyways,” Peter tried to deflect.

Kit looked at the floor, suddenly quiet. “Um – probably not – he actually just called it off between us. A 24-hour relationship. Pretty silly, right?”

It was as if the floor had given way beneath Peter’s feet and he was falling into the unknown. Balth broke it off with Kit. Balth kissed Peter this morning, and broke up with Kit this afternoon. Could that possibly mean something? Could Peter dare to hope?

Peter felt elated but also like a complete asshole. “Kit, I’m so sorry,” he meant it. He knew Kit would have been good for Balth – if Peter hadn’t screwed up his life royally.

“Don’t worry about it. I knew what I was buying into. I knew he was still in love with you, but I wanted to see if maybe he could love me too. He realized he couldn’t – so I appreciate that he ended it sooner rather than later. You know?”

Peter nodded. What else was there to say?

Kit looked Peter straight in the eyes as he asked him the only question that mattered. “Listen, do you love him?”

Peter didn’t hesitate. “Absolutely.”

“Then get out of here. He needs you.” There was a sense of urgency behind Kit’s voice.

“Thanks, Kit. I’m gone.” And with that, he set out with more resolve than ever.

It was all taking shape.

* * *

Peter walked onto the stage and immediately regretted his decision. This venue was big. Very big. He had been in plays before and not had any trouble with stage fright, but this was different. All eyes were on him as he prepared to pour his heart out to over one hundred strangers. _Don’t puke_.

“Um, hi. My name is Peter – um, Pedro, sometimes. I’m not really much of a singer – more of an athlete – also an aspiring actor – and an absolute idiot.” The crowd let out a collective laugh, giving Peter the confidence boost he needed.

“Yeah, you think I’m kidding, but I’m really not. Anyways, I’m here tonight to introduce my friend. My best friend. He is by far the most talented, honest, charming person I know. Not to mention, the most captivating musician.” Peter took a deep breath and chose his next words carefully.

“About a year ago he wrote me the most beautiful song. I brushed it off as a joke because I didn’t know how to react. I was confused, and unsure of my sexuality. But the whole truth is that I was in love with him and I didn’t know how to tell him.” Peter chanced a glance at Balthazar, who stood waiting in the wings. His expression was impossible to read amidst the blinding stage lights, so Peter went on.

“I’m here tonight because I’m selfish. I’m selfish because I know I don’t deserve him, and I’ve hurt him more times than I can count, but I still want to be with him. I want to make it up to him, and prove to him that I can be better. Just being around him makes me better. But I want more – I’m selfish, remember? I want a new beginning, and I can’t keep it to myself anymore. I’m here tonight to shout it from the rooftops: I love Balthazar Jones.” The audience cheered, egging him on. 

“I want nothing more than to make him happy, and I promise all of you that he will amaze you tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage the love of my life, the Mighty Balthazar.”

The look Balthazar gave Peter as he walked onstage was everything. Peter and Balth bowed to the crowd, united at last by their hands and hearts.


End file.
